This week Spy's pants are on fire in the beautiful city of Budapest.
Sources within the F1 community have sensationally revealed that F1's decision to adopt the Halo device for 2018 is based on a misunderstood fax communication. "We thought they were asking if we wanted a game of Halo," admitted one team principal. "Frankly, we were mad for it: F1 is hard work, and when we thought they were suggesting a relaxing XBox evening of Team Slayer and King of the Hill, we were already reaching for the beer and Pringles before the full message hit the tray."
Team member who doesn't like summer break most hated person in F1
The latest F1 survey has discovered that nobody likes the guy who thinks the summer break is a waste of time. At this time of year, the guy, who works for a team, traditionally argues that it doesn't make sense to shut everything down for two weeks as holidays are a waste of time and he'd much rather be getting on with work than bouncing off the walls at home, catching up with his technical manuals and sorting his cable ties by size and then colour. The guy is thought to be single, entirely lacking in charm and, according to anecdotal evidence offered by his colleagues, is a near-total asshat.
Shield issue kebab-based?
F1's future plans have been thrown into confusion by the revelation that Sebastian Vettel's 'dizziness' and 'discomfort' while testing the shield device at Silverstone may have been caused by a dodgy kebab. "9am on a Friday morning? Chances are Seb was still sweating out the chilli from the night before," said an anonymous sauce claiming to be familiar with the four-time World Champion's epicurean predilections. "He can't help himself; he'll have been going large in the Whittlebury campsite with a chilli-cheese double doner the size of his head – same as usual. Eat a couple of those and you don't need a dodgy windscreen to blur your vision."
Hungaroring to install walls
In the latest effort to Make F1 More Interesting™, Fomula One officials have revealed this year's Hungarian Grand Prix will feature great big walls around many of the more frightening corners on the Hungaroring circuit. "Everyone calls this place 'Monaco without the Walls' – but they all seem to prefer Monaco," said a spokesman. "Maybe it we add the walls, they'll like us more?"
Ricciardo plans fun-filled summer
Professional Australian Daniel Ricciardo has revealed sensational plans for his summer break, announcing his intentions to conduct an eight-day lemon/lime/kale detox programme while visiting ecclesiastical sites in the Scottish Highlands and Islands on a brass rubbing tour.
"That Ibiza superclub jetski malarkey isn't for me, I'm more the quiet, contemplative type," said Daniel, packing his astral wax heelball and detail paper. "There's some lovely incised slabs in the Hebridean monasteries I'm really keen to get to grips with.