Spy's Fake News: Spain

...because real news takes far too much effort.

Ricciardo launches toothpaste brand
The most famous smile in Formula One is about to get even more shiny as Red Bull Racing's Daniel Ricciardo prepares to launch his own brand of toothpaste, initially due for a limited release in Western Australia branches of Coles and Woolworths. "Dan's famous for racing cars and smiling – and he already owns a karting company so this seemed the next logical step to cash in," said a man with a carbon fibre briefcase.

Messi to Ferrari?
In a move set to shock the footballing world, Lionel Messi is rumoured to have agreed personal terms with Juventus, and will spearhead the Serie A Champions' assault on the Champions League next season – if the Bianconeri agree to his demand to also drive for Ferrari. The Agnelli business empire, owners of Juventus, FIAT and sizeable shareholders in all things Maranello are rumoured to have been furiously pulling strings over the last few weeks to get Messi into the car for the Hungaroring test. "He's a really good size," said a Ferrari insider with a fixed grin.

Energy Station infestation
Red Bull's Energy Station is set to arrive late to the Spanish Grand Prix after a legal wrangle with Austria's environmental protection agency. While taking the mobile fortress/discotheque out of mothballs, technicians in Austria discovered a colony of Bavarian pine voles living in the superstructure. The critically-endangered rodent is thought to have nested within the extra-thick sound-proofing foam used to line the Team Principal's offices. Fortunately, Red Bull's blushes were spared when the restraining order was lifted after inspectors were unable to find evidence of the voles still being in residence. "Ja, we will be in Barcelona on schedule," said an Energy Station insider. "You should stop by and try the soup, it's delicious."

Sainz to Live Demo RB7 at Rally de Portugal
Double World Rally Championship champion Carlos Sainz will make a sensational comeback to the WRC later this month, driving the Red Bull RB7 showcar. Sainz, 55, father of current F1 driver Carlos Sainz, last competed in WRC at the 2005 Acropolis Rally and is said to be 'excited' at the prospect of taking the 2011 double World Championship winning F1 car onto the famously tough mixed gravel-and-asphalt rally. "We're going to have to jack it up a bit – but it coped OK with the surface at Jerez, so this shouldn't be a problem," said a Live Demo spokesman.

2016 Spanish Grand Prix victory 'already forgotten' by Verstappen
Teen driving sensation Max Verstappen looked baffled today when asked to describe his memories of winning the 2016 Spanish Grand Prix. Pulled away from his games console, the Dutch prodigy shrugged when asked for his recollection before grumbling that it was unfair to expect him to remember stuff that happened 'ages ago'. He then asked for a pizza.